omg what the fuck is my life.
so i was just sitting here, innocently listening to the josh thomas podcast, -i'm really into podcasts these days, they're a bit of a sneaky mood lifter- and then the one time- the ONE time dad comes into my room all night is when this girls talking about a horrific story of getting fingered. and of course i'm so distracted by listening to this that i don't hear him come in, so he arrives and has a pleasant, if surprising amount of time to hear dear mr thomas's friend go, 'he did finger me and he just did it with one finger, and he didn't move the finger once it was in my body, i was like, wow, who taught you how to finger? ET? wow this is beautiful. this is warmer than a tampon! oh this is great!' before i hurriedly paused the video and acted as if i had been extremely distracted with inspecting a small piece of lint on my bedspread the whole time. the plus side is that i'm finally at the beach so tomorrow, and maybe the next week, i'll just try to time it so that i disappear to someones house just as dad is going for a jog and arrive home as he's passed out sleeping in bed.
that way, we can all forget this happened!
just like the time we all forgot when i accidentally vomited on my dead grandmas bed because of eating bad fish and got so shocked i knocked over her porcelain cat and mum woke up in a rage.
-leaving now before i expose myself any further as the uncomfortable person that i am-
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