If I could be who you wanted

people were blogging a scary amount before and it kind of freaked me out.
so i mose well fucking blog with you.

i feel like i fucked up somehow.
i dont feel like talking about things for once in my life.
i dont feel like thinking.
its cool. when i'm at the beach its like everything going on in melbourne, all my friends -or lack thereof- and all the drama i'm not part of just sort of melts away. i'm here and i have my own friends that i see here and my own routine and there isnt all this shit going on in the background, its just. its nice. its just nice. god, sometimes i wonder about the way we've built our society.
built ourselves up to knock ourselves down.
the way we live. i don't know.
i'm happier here. thats a fact.

i dont know if things are actual emotions or hormones.

new years resolutions:
1: stay a fully sick cunt. (haha! not really! just stay a moderately affable loser.)
2: make fucking awesome friends that are genuine and real and kind.
3: dont conform into some stupid prick of a slutty bitch that gets high and drunk every fucking day and chills with guys with no brain just so she can get some hooks.
4: stay best friends with the most amazing, lovely, fantastic people in the world who keep me sane when i'm confused and feel bad about myself and need to know somebody, anybody loves me. i kind of love you guys more than anything in the entire world and yeah, i want you to know that. because i was fucked up this year. a lot. it was a shitty start of the year and a shitty middle of the year. but you guys. you're awesome. seriously. i love you.
5: dont be afraid anymore. about all of it.
6: stop throwing myself into things so easily. and making myself depressed because i feel too much. stop feeling too much. stop caring so much. relax. just. calm.
7: learn not everyone in the world will like me on account of me being a kinda shy/loser/loner/other words for not cool. and deal with it. be myself even though myself can be a bit of a shit. /irritating twat, as le brits would say.
8: assasinate lizard / other animal i forget girl with camille. no more drowned rats should inhabit this earth on my watch.
9: get some mad lute skills to whip out at parties.
10: get the fuck off this computer.

in the words of russell brand, 'rebel, children, i urge you, fight the turgid slick of conformity with which they seek to smother your glory.'
in other words. fuck shit up.
g'dbye sir.