I don't stand a chance in this fucked up world. New school took romance and messed it up real bad.

I've been kicked out of the bottom story of my house because random russians are painting there (isnt is always russians? why is that?) so yeah bored. LIST TIME!?

Ten things that came from my head:

1: Allamericanantichrist on tumblr told me I was amazing. It made my life because I like it when other people see I'm a genius and it isn't just me. Because then I start thinking I'm not as godly as I am in my head. Thats a joke, I don't think I'm godly. God doesn't exist. I'm more world leaderish.
2: There is not one friend that I have from Carey that I like more than my friends out of Carey. There used to be, but yeah there aren't anymore. And I realise this every single time I see them. My non Carey friends I mean. And thats really depressing somehow. Except I guess I'm glad I have them because otherwise I'd go INSANE! -hysterical laughter-
4: I used to feel like crying all the time. Now I feel like laughing. Except not in quiet, oh hoho this is amusing way, in a hysterical way. Like the way you laugh when you're about to get hung. Like, 'oh I'm about to die mose well laugh or say some deep profound one liner like ned kelly.' What did he say again? Oh yeah. Such is Life. Cool dude.
5: I feel like I should be angry, or worried, or sad or something about the fact that my mum pretty much lives in canberra now. But I'm not. At all really. And I guess I should be since its kind of destroyed our relationship and our family foundations, but whatever. Such is life, as ned kelly said. Plus she's really annoying so its kind of good to have the house to myself.
6: I've had a really, really good holiday. Especially Lorne and Bawley. And now I'm kind of really freaked out about going back to school because I know how sad going to school makes me. And how sad all the people at school make me. Actually they dont make me sad, just bored. I'm not really sad about anything anymore. I'm just bored. And like, bemused. LIke I don't really care. It's kinda cool and weird.
7: I am so so so ridiculously excited about the two day sleepover weekend thing I'm having with Tully and Tenzin next weekend. Tully and Tenzin are great. Like, they kind of make up for the lack of people I'm close with at Carey. Because I've known them all my life and yeah, seeing them makes me feel relaxed and all zen.
8: I do not want to go on camp this year. At all. Not only do I hate camp with a burning passion, (especially the stupid, 'ohhhmagawdd lets get in touch with NATURE! stuff, and LETS SIT BY THE BONFIRE AND HAVE A GOOD OLD TALK ABOUT LIFE AND HOW MUCH BETTER AS PEOPLE THIS TRIP HAS MADE US!' shit,) but i feel like this years camp will be worse somehow. Much worse.

PS: Sorry for the Carey hate. Kinda not really.

Rajneesh, I'd like an alligator soup, and make it snappy. Because alligators are snappy, and at the same time, I want it prompt

Slash dad is the coolest dad I've ever seen ever.
And I love how he couldnt open his front door to let us in and we had to go around the side of the house and he couldnt open that either so we had to go all the way to the back and sit on his deck amongst his beer.
And I think Eliza and Taylah fully owned the surfer guy in the face.
Oh what fun life is when you spend afternoons on Tess's balcony shouting insults at the surfers below and clapping sarcastically when they catch a wave.
And what fun it is even more when every day you can look forward to seeing the cute guy with glasses and his friends drive past in their fully crap car, stop to say hi then turn and drive off again.

I'm gonna get home and be so depressed now. Life will seem sucky as hell.

Because I always do this- write stupid pointless paragraphs from disjointed stories that sit there doing nothing.

Words wound and weaved through my brain, like tiny tendrils of smoke coiling their way through my cluttered mind. Softly, silently they whispered in my ear, chanting out sentences and humming out ballads. I would lie awake at night dreaming of words, thinking of words, only words, always words. They were everywhere and nowhere, all around me and unable to be released. I wanted to scream them at someone, let them tumble like raindrops from my lips, unleash them all on the night sky so everyone could see them light up the night like stars. But every time I pursed my lips, every time my fingers hung on the keyboard, they didn’t come. And so they waited, coiled smoke in my brain, fogging up my thoughts until there was nothing there but mist on the windshield.

What are you gonna use this one for Caitlin? Huh? HUH?

"Thats the biggest joint I ever lit"

Today was niiice.
Spent like 2 hours doing nothing but sitting on the road outside Tess's house talking and generally laughing at the publics stupidity.
Like those little jerks 'frolicking in the bamboo.'
Or that dude who we all thought was fully hardcore, with his hoodie and his smokes and whatever, and then we realised he was drinking milk.

*car approaching with hot P Plate guy with glasses*
Tess: Okay guys, everyone act natural and DONT STARE
Taylah: ...Whatever
*car drives past*
Tess: *STARES RIDICULOUSLY OBVIOUSLY* *POINTS AT CAR* ITS HIM!!!!!!!!!
Taylah: Fuck Tess, could you BE more obvious?

I do love my friends.

Has just realised I've spent like 4 hours straight talking to Tully and Tenzin
I could have been out doing things tonight, but you know what?

This was more fun.
And I've been smiling for a very long time now, so who's the loser?
I'll give you a hint,
It's not me.
And its probably you.
And by probably, I mean yes.

Yes?

And the loveliness begins

What is it about going to Bawley that instantly puts me in a good mood?
Perhaps, if nothing else, its the fact being at my beachouse allows me to do mundane activities such as reading or chess that I could and would do at home anyway in an altogether more pleasant environment.
The weather is all calm and preeety and all the trees are gently swaying in the breeze and there are all these hot surfers surfing in the water and I'm currently watching Bryson and Peter chase some poor innocent dog and life is good.
I think I'm going to go to Tess's house soon too. Because I'm eating my way through a few too many licorice allsorts in my current positiion.
lyk ohmagawd i mite get faaat or sometin nd i needa watch ma weight if i lyk wana get a bfffff xxxx <3 <3 <3
jokes its just making me feel slightly ill and a bit like i might vomit.
and nobody likes vomiting.
haw haw haw.

Did you know PAC man used to be called PUC man ?

I am not even kidding when I say you are the cutest person I have ever seen.
If I saw a rabbit wearing a tweed suit right now, he would look like a rubbish bag filled with syringes in comparison to you.
THE GLASSES, AND THE DOC MARTENS, AND THE WOOL JUMPER, AND THE GUITAR, AND THE CHOCOLATE BROWN EYES, AND THAT CUTE BLACK FRINGE THING.
it's too much to handle.

I've been listening to Lisa Mitchell all night cos of you.

Anyway. Kinda getting sick of being stuck in this shit fuck shit shit fuck airport fuck shit hole.
Virgin blue, you really know how to ruin a randoms night to buggery.
... You little shit fucks.

YOU STOP NOW. YOU. STOP. NOW. YOU STOP. NOW YOU STOP. STOP YOU NOW STOP NOW. ST-NO-Y-OPSTO-Y-AFBNEFDND

Awkward how I spend more time hanging out with Adam's friends than my own.
But what can I say, they're just so fucking cool.
And when I go to Adams house on, whats the day today? is it saturday? Well when I go to Adams house on friday nights I get to go to exciting warehouses in back alleys that are actually bars and admire hot bartenders while zoning out of conversation.
And if I went out with my own friends, would they take me to back alley bars?
Huh?
Would they?
Would they?
Seriously though would they?
But anyway.

SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP STUPID MEN BUILDING THINGS IN THE HOUSE BEHIND ME.
YOU SOUND LIKE A DYING WOLF.
AND YOU'RE LOUD.
AND YOU SHOULD STOP.
NOW.
you're stopping me from enjoying my fried egg.
and i need to enjoy this egg.
IT'S ALL I HAVE! -muffled sob-
lol jk i have a cup of tea too.

GOOD MORNING CHARLIE

You know what I hate?
When people smile at strangers in public.
It is possibly the most awkward moment anyone can create for themselves, I say with a shaking of the fist, and thats a big call, because there are a lot of awkward moments out there waiting to be created.

Firstly, (yes I'm paragraphing this thought) its ridiculously uncomfortable if you do it yourself, and get no response or just a confused head nod.
And this makes it particularly awful, because, for me at least, the only time I do participate in the 'random smiling at strangers' thing is when I'm in a strange, good mood and a half and I'm really not thinking straight because I'm just too hoppin on joy.
So I end up going from like, here *gestures with hand* in happiness, all the way down to like, here *gestures with hand again,* just because some tool wont smile back at me, or he does smile back but in a way that says, 'why the fuck are you smiling at me, punk? I don't need your smiles. I have friends of my own to smile with. Where are your friends? Huh? I don't see them anywhere. Hiding are they? *merciless laugh.*
And then you're so cut up by being rejected and now having a hugely awkward situtation with one random individual, you forget why you were even happy and end up doing something stupid, like walking into a pole or a nearby obese man drinking coffee.

The other awkward half of this situation is when you're the one being smiled at. For me, this comes as such a general shock, and instills such confusion in me as to why someone would actually want to smile at my face, I end up having an uncomfortably delayed response in 'smile back' time and end up smiling at someone just as they have walked past, so I end up accidentally smiling at, say, a pole, or a nearby obese man drinking coffee.
I just can't seem to get the timing right so that I actually catch some of their face before they leave after smiling at me, because it turns out to be weirdly difficult for me to get over the shock of being smiled at and return their smile with an instant smile that isn't merged in with some sort of grimace or confused eye twitch.

Anyway. Maybe this is just me. And honestly, I've woken up way to early. Why so early? And why, I might ask, am I blogging?

BEARS. BEETS. BATTLESTAR GALLACTICA.

Dunstan joined the group, 'i love combing my mullet,' and I laughed because he actually has a mullet.
I wanted to join it, but mullets disgust me.

In other news, I dropped my book in the bath.
It was awful.
Especially since its such a good book.
And the fun part, is that its been translated from danish or something, so by reading it I automatically become 12% more cultural!
Thats what is says on the cover, anyway!
...joke. it doesnt say that.
I just assumed.
Since it was like, danish.

Once I read a book that was like, translated from ukrainian and it was really cool.
It had heaps about like, prostitutes and blonde Ukrainian women and like, gangs.
Not that that was why it was good.
It was good for many reasons.
And just for the record, I don't encourage prostitution. . Like, whatever, do it, or not, but.
The point is, I forgot my point.
And now I'm thinking about prostitutes. And. Um.
Awesome post guys, great work.
Ill go sit on the heater now.

LOL JK IM ALREADY SITTING ON A HEATER. IT GETS COLD IN THE SPRING.
LOL JK THAT WASNT FUNNY.
LOL JK I DOUBLE JK'D YOU.

NEVER FEAR, CAITLINATOR IS HERE! !!!

So I'm back from Lorne.
WHO MISSED ME?!?!?!!!!!
-awkward silence.-
anywayyyyy.
I had a fun old time and a half, it must be said.
Guitar singalongs + playing with small children in parks + watching Dispicable Me (yes, I went and saw dispicable me. And it FUCKING ROCKED,) in old dusty theatres + awfulawfulawful dinner cooked by greg + SUPER INTENSE nature walks across RAPIDS AND STREAMS AND ROCKS AND STUFF + a ridiculous amount of new inside jokes (never overestimate me intelligence greg. ....I mean under. Underestimate.) + pointlessly sitting on a beach at 12.00 at night + TERRIBLE OLD PEOPLE OP SHOPS + icecream. or 5 = A RECIPE FOR FUN. WE GOT ON THE GROOVE TRAIN, AND THE FIRST STOP WAS FUNKYTOWN!
HEAR THAT GUYS? WE GOT ON THE GROOVE TRAIN. AND THE FIRST STOP WAS FUNKTOWN.
GROOVE TRAIN.
FUNKYTOWN.
GROOVE TRA-
yeah okay i'm done.
anyway after a joyful bus trip back to geelong where i was sitting MERE METRES away from possibly the hottest guy to exist since michael cera, and a car trip via werribee mansion and the albert park bookstore (hey, why not?) I'm home, bathed and ready for a fun fun day at the show tomorrow!
Oh boy, I do sometimes feel just spoilt rotten, spoilt rotten I say!
I can hardly dare wait for cotton candy and quick, quick rides and jolly well fun to be had tomorra!
But first I musta clean behind my ears, help mam prepare for dinner and why, i daresay mr beaver I'll get you a fish!

How PLY can you get?? -NEW SAYING!!

Wow the heater is making me really hot.
GREAT NIGHT TONIGHT GUYS!!
...ew I sound like DOMINATE THE D'SSSSS. EY CAMILLE, EY? LOOKIN AT YOU DARL.
anyway yeah spent a glorious amount of time lying down while Tully and Tenzin played the guitar and we all sung along to the moldy peaches and Missy higgins.
I felt like a beautifully musical hippy and I dare use a ridiculous pun to say I lost myself in the music with them.
God I'm lame. And now, guitar and musical voices put to the side we are all reading along to 18th century childrens novels while Tully dearest makes awful (but awesome) jokes and I sit in the corner, ynow, blogging.

'the potatoes are boiling and the kettles singing and I daresay, mr beaver, you'll get us some fish.'
...oh the chronicles of narnia, how you amuse dear Tully and Tenzin. And me, of course.
We are simple minded souls.

THEYRE LIKE STILLETO MARKS, ONLY BIGGER AND ON THE CEILING!!!!

Tullys grandpa: I'M SO ANGRY I CAN'T STAY IN THIS CAR!
-gets out of car and marches to bus stop-
Ten minutes later: -gets in car-
Tullys grandpa: ...the last bus already left....

Oh my god ridiculously hilarious failed anger right there.

KICKIN BACK AT DAR LORNE WITH DAR TENZIN AND TULLY

'Hi guys this is my boyfriend haz but I call him faggot because that's what he is.'

Oh and Tenzin is going out with rotund.

I don't even know about Tully. Lost cause.
Lol jks love that gurrrrllll.

Is now hopelessly in love with Emma Stone

Saw Easy A today.
It had penn badgely in it (scuse me while I faint for a while at his beautiful attractiveness,) so it automatically had to be good, but srsly Emma Stone is like the new Ellen Page or something.
Funny how being witty and intelligent in funny-ness makes people seem so much generally cuter. or prettier. or something.
Which is probably why I'm such a freaking SEX BEAST.

...anyway its also funny how now every time I walk past the men toilets at melbourne central, I feel the need to repeat the story of when I accidently walked down there. even if i know the person im talking to has heard the story 50 times already.
even when I'm on my own, in fact, I still have to casually glance over at the toilets and share a knowing smile with myself combined with a casual chuckle and a slight tilt of the head, as if I've just remembered a past conversation that I'm fond of.

Oh well. EMMA STONE.
thats all.

This is what happens when I'm sick and forced to stay at home. I JUST FUCKING KEEP BLOGGING.

So yeah now mums all stupidly angry at me and shes being a stupid psycho overanalytical freak as per usual and she just came into my room and shouted, DONT WORRY, YOU'LL BE GONE FROM ME ON SATURDAY FOR DAYS and then ran out and yeah now I'm in a terribly awful mood and life is sucky.
Spose it just kinda sucks how generally alone and friendless I am, if you know what I mean.
Actually, friendless might not be the most accurate word.
But its pretty accurate.
Mostly I hate it when everyone else is happy and secure and happy and happy and..
whatever.
Its stupid.
That the only thing I have to console me is the office.
Which I've been watching for like 15 hours in the past 2 days AND WAIT DE JA VU WEIRD.
anyway. yeah.
I wish I was in like, the sleepover club or something. only a hardcore version. so i could like, have all these people to talk to and generally be all casually and easily close and biff's with without them being boring dull people.
Since I'm not really casually and easily close and biff's with anyone at my current school at all. emphasis on the at all.
wowww really cant wait till i can see tully and have long talks with her and actually talk to someone. i feel like i've been silent for two days straight.
funny how completely relevant pams little speech in the post below was to my life. and completely not relevant, i suppose.

God I love Pam

Pam Beesly: Hey! I wanna say something. I've been trying to be more honest lately, and I just wanna say a few things.
I did the coal walk! Just, I did it. Michael, you couldn't even do that. Maybe I should be your boss. Wow I feel really good right now. [pause]
Why didn't any of you come to my art show? I invited all of you. That really sucked. It's like sometimes some of you act like I don't even exist.
Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we're not even friends. And things are just like weird between us. And that sucks. And I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you. I shouldn't have been with Roy, and there were a lot of reasons to call of my wedding. But the truth is, I didn't care about any of those reasons until I met you.
And now you're with someone else. And that's fine. It's, whatever, it's not what I'm- I'm not- Okay my feet really hurt. The thing that I'm just trying to say to you Jim, and to everyone else in the circle, I guess, is that I miss having fun with you. Just you, not everyone in the circle. Okay. I am gonna go walk in the water now. Yep. It's a good day. -walks off-

Michael Scott: Pam! That was amazing! ...But I am still looking for someone with a sales background.

Where can I buy silk stockings, a map of the city, films?

Just quietly, or not so quietly, BILL BRYSON IS MY LIFE.
I love it when you read travel books because then it seems like you're travelling when you ACTUALLY ARENT AT ALL.
So I had a migraine whatever yesterday and maman (see how I did mum in french to make it cooler) didn't let me go to the movies.
And now for some stupid reason since I kinda still have a weird headache ouch thing goin on and my eye is all red....she isn't letting me go out today either.
AND I HAD PLANS TO DO STUFF TODAY. WHICH HAVE NOW BEEN SHATTERED.
THIS IS MY LIFE.
and funny how sad I sound based on my description. headache. ouch thing. weird red eye.
i can just imagine an image of myself with this weird bulging eye clutching my head while limping across the hall with a hunched back.
but i dont know why my eye is so weird, I mean last night I was just going to sleep and I couldnt open it for some reason ISNT THAT FUNNY? and then this morning I woke up and it was all like weird and it reminded me of when I was like 4 or whatever and i was living in brussels and I got an eye infection and mum had to give me eye drops every night that would leave me blinded for 5 minutes since they stopped me from being able to open my eye and it was super scary but she read the tweenies to me while i was blinded so it was all good.
Anyway. Guess today I'll just read more european travel books, watch more of the office and pack for lorne. Which should be fun.
Lorne, I mean, not todays itinerary.
Todays itinerary reminds me of dying.
DYING.

'It must be the old roue at the party who used the book for private purposes and shamed the family by going into a pharmacy and saying leeringly to the lady behind the counter, 'I'd like these two enlarged.' Then adding in a suggestive whisper, 'Will you put some air in my tyres?'

So. Much. Television.

So I started out with Wizards of Waverly place.
Then jumped between wizards of waverly place and whose line is it anyway.
And now I've spent hours watching the office.
While casually eating my way through our entire cupboard.
Which is no small feat, since Mum just went shopping this morning and bought like dozens of packets of random unhealthy crap that I wouldnt be eating if I cared at all about my health.
I'm onto my 5th fun sized box of Apple Juice already, and I only started drinking them a few hours ago.
Its 'glo' brand.
Theres a kid on my train that drinks this brand of apple juice.
Every day he drinks it.
I don't think I've ever seen him without a juice box in his hand.
Thats the glo brand.
Its strangely comforting.
The funny part is that I'm always on the same carriage, so I get to see him drink it like 3 times a week.
Actually that isnt that funny.
Its just a general observation.
He also has a brother, which I know because they get off at the same platform and look the same and talk to eachother, except his brother doesnt drink juice boxes.
Isn't that weird?
I always wonder, if he manages to have a juice box every single day, why doesnt his brother have them at all?
Like, why doesnt his brother appreciate fruit juice?
Do brothers share the same taste buds?
Do twins?
Life is full of so many unanswered questions.

Selena Gomez is lyk ma lyf

Got a migraine this morning.
YAY LIFE.
so now mums not letting me go to the city this afternoon and i've had to postpone till friday and early next week.
ew.
the plus side is that i've been watching wizards of waverly place and whose line is it anyway since 9.00 this morning.
theres a marathon on disney channel.
its the best.
how i love childrens sitcoms.

*walks out of building* ....Yeah they have the most amazing french toast....Oh hey guys

MAHAMAHAMAHAMAHAMAHA.
i still dont understand what that means.
and i still cant find that amazing scene from scott pilgrim that cracks me up every time i think about it.
that movie is like, the most amazing thing i've ever seen.
michael cera is like, the cutest, funniest, wittiest, cutest, cutest guy I have ever seen ever.
and the beanbag cinema is really fun.
and that couple next to us was really cute.
like the dog with wheels.
and its weird when you see people spin on escalators at 9.00 at night at melbourne central.
especially since they're 30.
and parks are really comfortable at like 2 in the morning.
and i could have slept.
and i slept just before for like hours.
and yeah. what else.
LITTLE RED UNDER 18 SHOW AT THE PRINCE BANDROOM FOR 15 BUCKS.
fuckkkk yessss.

oh btw, selby isnt pronounced with a 'sh.' we all know it. and caitlin is always right. thats the 1# rule. caitlin = always right.
duh.

IM NOT CATCHING THE TRAIN WITH YOU TODAY

I want that yellow motorbike.
Yeah nothing else to say really.
Dont do drugs. Stay in school. ...Get married. Or not. Kids are fun. If you want that in life.
Ummm kay bye.

We're just gonna pretend like you're a good friend, just for the sake of this moment

Sometimes my brother just comes out with these completely honest, completely out of the blue statements just when you are losing hope that.... change everything.
You are so nice you honestly make me cry.
Of happy tears?
Thank you. For saying that. And for being nice. When everyone else is just judging me and pressuring.
Thats what brothers are for, I guess.

The Funeral-Band of Horses

I remember listening to this song and getting shivers.

Liz did a cover version on My Life as Liz the other day.
I pretty much died of joy.

Its so amazing I could CRY.
Both versions, I mean.
I guess the Band of Horses original one is better, since, ynow its all intense and shit, but Liz is all acoustic and natural and preeettyyyy.

Um yeah anyway. I'm meant to be going out today but I'm so tired from all that moving from yesterday I think I'll just cancel and spend my day lying down and listening to music.

....Awkward because I'm only 2 days into the holidays and I've already skipped like 4 meals.

Best. Night. Of. My. Life.

Playing the Penis game while waiting outside the event with a bunch of random teenagers.
Having funny conversation with 20 year old pierced/tattoed guys in front of us and ridiculously funny italian guys behind us that sounded like women when they screamed.
Uncontrollably laughing along with everyone else in the mosh pit at the awfulness of The Vasco Era and the crazy smasms of their guitarist.
Listening to everyone shout out for them to leave when they announced they had 2 songs left.
Being so close to the stage I could reach out and touch it as JET played. Literal front row.
Eagerly watching the hotness of their guitarist with glasses XD
Watching JET's lead singer randomly take some girls camera from the audience and take photos of himself infront of the crowd while giving the thumbs up and sculling VB'S.
Singing along with everyone to look what you've done.
Powderfinger. Being. Amazing.
Being shocked as halfway through their set they raced off the stage and turned up on the other side of the venue on another stage, so we were suddenly at the back, then watching them race back again a few songs later.
The indescribable amazingness of My Happiness and These Days that was like... fhaehnbarhner
Walking down Swan Street at 12.00 at night and not even being cold in a tshirt and shorts because it was SO INTENSE.
Best concert ever?
Yeah probably.

Just analyzing their negative traits and suggesting ways in which they could become more positive

Fun times in the city today bitching, ahem I mean analyzing everyone and buying sum pretty kewl shit ay brew.
Now impatiently waiting for individuals to arrive so I can go get all hawt and sweaty at d@ concert 2niteee.
Yeah. I said hawt and sweaty.
Scuse me while I go shoot myself.

Waffles are cooler when purchased at WAFFLE ON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are pretty pro at finding delightfully secluded places to sit in the city so we can safely be illegal without people watching.

Thank god for the last day of term.
I need these holidays.
So I can have a break, and regroup, and then GET BACK TO TERM FOUR AND ACTUALLY START LEARNING AND FOCUSING ON MY STUDIES!!!!!!!
Lol jks I'm just sick of all that fucking homework.

Tomorrow is going to be (for lack of a better word) one EPIC day.
Shopping by day, concerts by night.
Thats the way the Caitlinator roles.
yeah babe, thats the way the Caitlinator roles
-satisfied nod-

BABY CARROTS ARE TURNING ME GAY

Koreans look like Lizards

The things Caitlin Likes on Facebook

Nick Cave
Nick Cave Songs
Nick Cave Artwork
The random brown bit in Nick Cave's right eye
Nick Caves Moustache
Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds
NICK CAVES DEARLY DEPARTED HAIR
We want Nick Cave to come play in Greece
F-Cking Nick Cave
Nick Cave Albums
Nick Caves leopard print undies in Grinderman's 'Heathen Child' video.
NickCave.it - La pagina del sito italiano dedicato a Nick Cave

who knew there would be this many pages available for me to like in the first place?
my info page is dirty now.
i don't really care.

Note to self- When you are home sick- don't excitedly get started on homework you haven't got around to doing

Got up this morning and had a hugely comical sneezing fit.
Then I knuckled down and started my population growth debate.
Then I realised how stupid and ridiculously nerdy it was since I have all holidays to do it.
Awkward how maths and science have quite suddenly become the only subjects I don't try at all in, when they are, how do those adults say it? 'the most important subjects out there.'
Oh well. gonna go watch some more jersey shore now.
DON'T JUDGE ME, IT'S GOOD OKAY.

'You and I are ace together' -fat guy with the weird facial hair off neighbours

This show is so ridiculously dull. It's like they've completely given up on having any actual storyline and have just gone, 'okay guys. this isnt working out. everyone just look generally sad and agressive and improvise deep conversation. We'll make it look intense with the use of a stupid amount of close ups on peoples faces and poetic, sad music before every ad.'
its bold and the beautiful gone bogan.
bold and the beautiful gone bogan.
-shoots self-

In ya face Tony

Just spent a pleasant hour lying on the couch with my hand dramatically flung across my forehead whilst watching a bug hang from the ceiling.
What can I say, discus is a hugely strenuous sport that requires intense physical capability.
I, of course, was up to the challenge, but I can imagine many would have simply collapsed under the pressure of the sport.
The disc is 1kg, after all.
And to think I was contemplating doing the 400m run as well.
Luckily, I came to the realisation that I had already taken one for the team in doing discus, and since the saying does generally imply you take 'one' for the team, as opposed to 'two or multiple ones for the team' I figured I should really stick the motto and just do the one event.
Who am I to go against the wise words of some intelligent individual anyway?
Yes, I'm glad I didnt take two for the team. One was more than enough for me to showcase my brilliant physical talents to the world. Or to Carey, at least.
I really was a legend at discus, If I say so myself. Don't know where I came, exactly, but I assume I smashed that previous record to pieces. When I'm holding that discus, and swinging those arms, the whole world melts away.
It's just me and the circular disc.
Yeah.

So sue me

And I've felt alone.
And lost.
And surrounded
And hated.
And loved.
I've gone swimming at 12 o clock at night on new years eve.
And I've wanted to kiss a stupid amount of people.
Without ever doing anything.

But I've also had hour long conversations with my mum late at night
And I've gone on walks by the river to collect flowers
I've sat on the porch with my grandma and listened to her stories
I've played chess with my aunty for a month straight
I've listened to Mozart and liked it
I've watched ABC british dramas and been intrigued
I've played 'war' in the pool with my cousins every summer for years,
And I've spent days doing nothing but read and laze in the sun,
I've visited my 70 year old friend every week in the summer and she's taught me to paint,
I've read famous five at night when I'm scared or sad,
I've forgotten what school feels like,
I've forgotten what teenagers feel like,
I've sat at family dinner parties that last till 2 in the morning and enjoyed myself,
I've danced with my dad to the blues,
I've dreamed.
I've loved my parents,

I'm acting my age. I'm not acting my age. I'm being myself. And I'm not being myself.
And if you don't like me, thats okay.
Because I know, out there, people care about me.
And my family care about me. And I don't care if thats uncool. Because I love them.
And I can admit that these days.
I can admit a lot of things.

The awkwardness when someone calls their dog chloe, and other fun things to witness in Ashburton

Sometimes it physically pains me to think of how cool we are.
I mean, we're so impulsive we plan out catching trains to random outer suburbs and hanging out in them for hours every monday. Strategically planned spontaneity. Its genius.

In other news.
People should stop being awkwardly dramatic.
I mean, so what if he broke up with her. doesnt mean you cant talk to him. thats just stupid. and generally weird. and shes being generally weird too. so dont follow her. thats stupid. and weird. and my adjectives are awkwardly limited to stupid and weird right now.
but still. you get my point.
or not. since that was explained terribly. but anyway. sorry. ill stop.

the point is, you're really cute.
and that wasnt relevant to what i was trying to say, but i was thinking it. so i said it. actually i didnt really think it. i just wrote it. because its true.
yeah thats all.

Love. Its a beautiful thing-Note to humanity: This blog is a joke. i promise -anxious wrist cutting-

.

When we met, you were pretty, and I was lonely. Now I'm pretty lonely

Something my mum should stop doing is sending me awkward texts when she's drunk and I'm sitting 5 metres away.
It's not fun to get a message in terrible spelling saying, 'hi cait. i love you. stop being rude,' while you're trying to read about mangled corpses and homosexual rapists and she's sitting there drunkenly giggling on the sofa.
hey mum, congrats, you just showed me what kind of wonderful life i could lead in the future if i had kids and got drunk every weekend!

oh, and a little word of advice. when your daughter has a ridiculously sore throat from inhaling toxic chemicals, it's probably best if you stop smoking toxic chemicals right in front of her while she's slowly dying of bitter, bitter pain.

um anyway. this puts my mother in a dreadfully bad light.
ohwell. gonna go cut my wrists some more now.
haha!
ha!
.....

I do love my brother

Adam: At high school me and my friends had this secret place that we called 'hell' like off tomorrow when the war began. And we'd go there to talk about life and stuff. And we had this signal like off the book, that you'd use if you wanted to chat. I'd always give it to griffo. This *signals* means 'i wanna chat.' this *signals* means yes, this means no, this was maybe. And he'd always be like *signals for maybe* and then ten minutes later he'd be like yes and we'd go talk about life behind this building. Everyone wanted to know where hell was. But we never told them. We were too cool like that.

I love how we're all nerds, in the end. No matter how hard we try to hide it.

Theres a sleeping guy on my sofa

Aaaaaaaaaawks.

'my prison is a tool, a training ground, a stopover. I look at the bars behind me, the space around me, the confinement. I think of where you are and how tragic for you it is that here I am, there you are. But oh so quickly, there I am.
Right with you.
And a parting word of advice? You will never bury me.
I. Will. Bury. You.
Entrance. Exit."

With screaming eyes, and weakened breath, twas not for life, he begged, twas death.

Sat in the park,
in the morning,
while it rained on me,
and the air smelt like leaves and freshness,
and i read my book,
about a psycopath killing girls in their houses,
and i sat on the swing,
while i read,
and smelt the air filled with leave and freshness,
and it rained on me.
And I thought about how interesting my book was,
and how good thriller is as a genre,
since it really keeps you,
on,
your,
toes.
and my lesbian-tartan-jacket kept me warm,
even though,
i looked like a boy,
granted,
a hot boy.
i like parks in the morning.
i don't like waiting for people,
to arrive at my house.
happy saturday everyone.

Funny the amount of things I get done while bathing. By which I mean having a bath. Because I am indeed cool like that

"Caitlin please don't call me while you're in the bath. It's creepy"
"no it's not. I wear my pyjamas in the bath because it's more fun that way."
"it's still creepy."
"but I'm not even naked."
"so? how would you like it if I called you while I was raping someone?"
"are you seriously comparing having a bath to raping someone?"
"no. At least when you rape someone you can be fully clothed."
"......"

im eating macaroni cheese at 5.37 on a friday and this isnt even my dinner. IM GONNA DIEEEE

just a little word of advice to everyone.
stop talking about guys please. or girls. whatever your current obsessions are. im not fussed. either or. or either.
not only is it ridiculously irritating, its stupid.
i mean, no offense or whatever, but its like, what, year 9?
its not like you're going to fucking marry anyone you meet right now.
unless you're my brother. awks.
but seriously. stop talking about guys. nobody really cares. and guys arent even that great. i mean seriously, build a bridge.
they're never gonna like you. move on. and if they do like you, your relationship probably isnt going to amount to anything.
i mean, you might be all yeah hahaha we're so in love for like the first week, but eventually you'll just get bored and break up.
shit happens right?
if you want to be practical about it, just fuck a lot of people with no strings attached right now so that by the time you get to like 20 or whatever you'll be totally ready to meet your 'one true love.'
if that exists. which it probably doesn't, but whatever.
some relationships work. like in movies. those relationships in movies are the shit.

im mostly just waiting till i leave high school so i can care about people and actually think it's real.
i mean really, life hasn't even started for me yet. which is good, because that means when i leave i can just pretend nothing actually existed. and i can start again. and it can work this time. and in that life i'll marry michael cera and become a successful soap maker in dublin.

I'm a shallow freak and I hate myself for it.

This is long. I'm sorry.
I'm just going to keep blogging.
Because I've been lying in bed for like 3 hours now.
And there isn't much too do while your lying in bed.
Except for lying in bed, obviously.
Fuck I'm messed up.
I don't think I like this whole life concept.
I don't think I was meant for human interaction.
I'm sick of trying.
I'm sick of people.
I'm sick of life.
I'm sick of being boring. I'm sick of everyone else being boring. I'm sick of boring conversations.
I'm sick of the air being thick with things not being said.
I'm sick of the realization that life is just life.
I'm sick of feeling like nothing is important and everything is ridiculously important.
I've got my whole life ahead of me. And I don't understand why I can't see that.
I miss you. A lot.
Thats all.
Sorry.

And then it hit me

My mouth.
Feels all choked.

Realization has come to Devour all Else

"seriously ind, he's so damn hot.
if i could define my type in one look, it would be him.
i should just carry a photo of him in my wallet so i can whip it out at a moments notice when people ask me what my type is.
I'll just be all, I could tell you, but I'd rather show you. THROUGH THIS PHOTOGRAPH CONVENIENTLY PLACED IN MY WALLET WHICH I CARRY WITH ME CLOSE TO MY HEART!"

it would be ironic, if i saw him every day.
since i have spent a considerable amount of time assuming he isnt real at all, and is just a mirage i use to keep the tears at bay when i ponder the lack of hotness people at carey seem to offer.
its like that feeling you get when you realise taylor lautner is actually alive. and at some point today, he will be showering. naked.
or so i would assume.

I hate it when you're on a train and you randomly start crying

Guess I can't say I don't cry in public anymore.
It was, really, never a good idea to start listening to sad folk music when I'm in an equally depressing mood anyway, especially on public transport.
It was, really, never a good idea to hope one little bit.
People should stop hoping. They should stop dreaming. Because existence is already sucky enough without having to live knowing living could be better.
You suck. I hate you. You lie to me. And you pretend you care that I exist. When you don't. And honestly, you should really go fuck yourself. Because I'm sick of wanting you to acknowledge me. And I'm sick of you pretending you acknowledge me. And I'm even more sick of remembering we were ever anything close to friends in the first place. Because we were. And I wish we weren't. And I wish I'd never met you.
Because you destroyed me.
And I hate you more than her even.
Because you really are shameless.
And this would all be so different if you just fucking talked to me. But you can't. And you don't care about me. And that'd all be fine if you could admit it so I could get the fuck on with my life without you. Why do I keep hoping you want to know me?
Life would be different if I didn't suck as a person.
Life would be different if I was interesting. Or cool. Or funny. Or even slightly attractive.
I can't help but think nobodys going to remember me once I'm gone.
I can't help but think I'm not going to remember you all either.

For Ind- the one I should stop awkwardly admitting my shit too

So apparently I do too many depressing blogs.
Probably true.
But still. I do depressing blogs because life is depressing and NO STOP THAT CAITLIN THIS IS A HAPPY BLOG.

Something that makes me happy is having baths while wearing clothes.
And.... watching my life as liz because shes so prettttyyy and cool and cool and cool.
And listening to Dexy's Midnight Runners- GOOGLE THEM! THEY'RE JOYFULLY LAME!
And watching shitloads of porn. LOL JKS IM NOT EVERY GUY AT CAREY.
And sitting alone in the living room at 11.00 at night and listening to 'first day of my life' on repeat and being awfully sad but happy because that song makes me awfully sad in a good way.

I like it when you read songlyrics and they sound like poetry.
I like when things sound like poetry.
I like how we're not really that different, you and I. I like how nobodys really that different.
I like how this blog post HAS JUST TURNED DEEP AND OH GOD IM SORRY IND.

Back to topic.
Something funny is when everyone thinks the people i find hot are ugly.
even though i know im the only one thats right. and they're all stupid.
dont try and tell me irish boy isnt hot. irish boy is hot. irish boy owns hotness
Irish boy would hurt to touch, because you'd get burnt. like when you touch hot plates.
only he wouldnt be a plate. he'd be a guy. and you can screw guys.
SO WORK THAT ONE OUT.
HAHA! SEE WHAT I JUST INITIATED? ME, SCREWING IRISH BOY. THATS FUNNY. SINCE I WAS TOTALLY NOT THINKING ABOUT SCREWING HIM.
AT ALL.
....
..
.