Oh my god. The weird guy stole our cab.

Oh my god seriously what the fuck caitlin.
Okay so today I decided I'd be all exciting and go to the supermarket in the wee hours of the morning, right, to get like, you know, um, food and stuff, like most sane people do when they go supermarket shopping, and I was like OMG THIS'LL BE SOOO GOOD GET SO MUCH CRAP STUFF FA SCHOOL WEEEEEEW!
But then I get there. And I dont know what really happened, but something came over me, and I got this huge surge of like, power, or, adreneline, or sheer exhilaration. Call it what you will, but something happened in those unaturally chilly aisles, something, something above ourselves, something greater than frozen peas, something. Anyway.
I was just like, randomly all HEY. YNOW WHAT, I'M NOT JUST GOING TO GET MY REGULAR PACKETS OF CHIPS, MALTESERS, CHOCOLATE ICECREAM, STARBURSTS, COKE, ICED VOVO'S (lol jks i've never gotten iced vovos in my life,) AND OTHER ASSORTED FLAVOURED MILKS, I'M GOING TO BE HEALTHY! I'M GOING TO BE LIKE, ALL ORGANIC AND HERBAL AND FRESH AND I'M GOING TO FEEL SOOO GOOODDDD WOOOO!
So I started just piling in random shit into the trolley, like, really random shit.
Like, instead of chocolate icecream, I got this weird organic sorbet thing from a farm, and instead of chocolate milk, I got soy milk. I'm not even kidding. soy. milk. I swear to god I have never had soy milk in my life. And then instead of like, random biscuits I got fresh italian breadsticks, (like what the fuck?) and then I got apricot and nut museli bars ( i dont even eat apricot, ever,) and holy shit I got like this, african voo voo tea or something that I've never even heard of. I was just like, HEY! AFRICAN TEA WOOO!
So now I'm at home with literally nothing to eat but all this awful, healthy, ...tribal crap.

in better news, today was possibly the best lunch I've ever had. Oh my god pasta and waffles from waffle on and haighs chocolate. SO HAPPYYYYY.

What am I doing on halloween?

Lets see now.
I'm lying upstairs listening to my parents toast to everything they can think of and drunkenly laugh with their friends, I'm listening to you am i with hardcore dangerfield earphones cos i lost my own, and im rewatching every scene in skins with emily and naomi.

where are my friends?
whatever. emily and naomi are enough. so cute ohmygod <3 <3

Macaroni cheese for dinner once again.

oh my god so i get home.
and the house is empty, (as usual) so I'm all settling into this calm, relaxing bath, and then, a half hour later, just as im getting realllyyyyyy quite into my book, who arrives, but mum, dad, and mum and dad friends of mum and dad. did that make sense? anyway. and theyre all delightfully drunk, which is fine because whatever live it up, but then mum feels the need to come in and have a drunken chat, and then dad comes in and laughs and walks out, i mean what, and then i suddenly hear realllyyyy loud like, salsa latin jazz i dont even know what shit bursting out of the cd player, and im like, ffffffuuuuuuuuuuu.
i prefer it when im home alone to be honest.

BUT ANYWAY.
the prince bandroom once again came through with the goods.
aside from randomly sweaty people and strippers with fag hair, the concerto was funfunfun.
except awkward that i nearly preferred little reds supporting act to the actual band.
THEY WERE SO GOOD OMG I CANT EVEN.

We're all singing the same line, just on different stages.

macaroni cheese for dinner in an empty house for the 2nd night in a row.
mum and dad are off gallivanting with friends in some melbourne pub, no doubt.
kinda dont want them to get home.
mum is even more annoying than usual when she's drunk.
like fuck man.
acts like a crazy person.
goes round givin me these crazy death stares or cutting unnecessary pieces of cabana.

the good part is because i have all this spare time I've managed to find a way to work kumbaya into my public speaking speech.
solid song.
very solid.

I am an open book, with moth bitten pages.

I like going to tenzins house on saturday mornings.
today we wrote a song.
it was fun.
i did lyrics and she did chords and lyric things with me and together WE CAME TOGETHER to..
yeah anyway. fun times.
and that was a damn good egg sandwhich.

oh, and note to self: when you've finished volunteering in an op shop with lissy, and its pissing down with rain, dont volunarily stroll on into the rain like a slightly spastic but affable child.
guess what, me, rain gets you wet!
i know. its weird.
and now my shoes are a mess.

Oh baby, baby its a wild world.

My shitty day has just turned pleasant.
I've just spent a half hour sitting outside in my backgarden listening to Cat Stevens and the sounds of random italians next door having a barbecue, while reading shakespeare (i no :P lawlllllz)
Cat Stevens truly is beautiful for spring weather.
and honestly, this weather is amazingly lovely.
and the trees are all softly swaying in the breeze and the skys slowly setting and smoke is softly going into the air and its making me all sleepy and now I'm going to make some chai tea and just top it all off.

"Well you've cracked the sky, scrapers fill the air.
But will you keep on building higher, 'til there's no more room up there?
Will you make us laugh, will you make us cry?
Will you tell us when to live, will you tell us when to die?"

Sad Hours Seem Long

Love is a smoke raised with the fume of sighs;
Being purged, a fire sparkling in lovers' eyes;
Being vex'd a sea nourish'd with lovers' tears:
What is it else? a madness most discreet,
A choking gall and a preserving sweet.


Today has been an unpleasant day.
I woke up in a bad mood and its never really passed.
I don't think I can keep these hours much longer.

'Did my heart love till now? forswear it, sight!
For I never saw true beauty till this night.'

Reading beautiful things doesnt make me think love exists any more than without. People from dreams exist only in dreams. And poetry is based on dreams. And expectations are never lived up to. Expectations. Love. What stupid things to think about.

There is a towel on my floor. Has my room ever been this messy?

'Every nights exaggerated, but thats nothing new. These cardboard towns are all we ever knew.
But underneath our conversation, an unspoken truth. That if you wait for me I'll wait for you.'

My back hurts and I'm sore and tired but I won't sleep because thats what I do these days.
And while we're at it, let's spend more time not saying anything, shall we? Because if you're waiting for me to say something, dont count on it. I never say anything. Audacity was never really my thing. But honesty is. Push me. Ask me a question and I'll give you an answer.
You won't get to know me if you say the wrong things.
I promise you I can be more interesting than this.
I don't want to turn everything into a joke. I don't want to constantly be immature and detached. I don't want to act like I'm miles away from the rest of the world, floating on this lonesome cloud up in the sky and commenting on.. the weather.
We all have a way of coping with things.
You should see me alone. I'm awesome then.

I like today after school.

This is what I have to deal with when talking to Tully on facebook.
Although secretly she's amazingly amazing. But not so secretly. WHAT AM I SAYING HOMG I DONT EVEN MAKE SENSE.

Tully:
MUM IS BRINGING MELON HOME
SHE CALLED AND SAID HEY TULLY WANT SOME MELON?
AND I SAID WHAT?
AND SHE SAID THERE IS SOME LEFT OVER MELON
AND I SAID WHAT TYPE OF MELON?
AND SHE SAID GREEN MELON
AND ORANGE MELON
AND WATERMELON
AND I SAID OK
WOOOOOOOOO REJECTED MELON
AND THEN ADOPTED
AND NOW SHES COMING HOME WITH THE MELON. IN A BAG I ASSUME.

PS: Logan is silly when men come up to us asking for cigarettes when we're on the lawn. And hes not getting my ring. so ha.

The sun upon the roof in winter will draw you out like a flower

"I love you I’ve a drowning grip on your adoring face
I love you my responsibility has found a place, beside you and strong warnings in the guise of gentle words."

Emotions are slippery things.
Always furtively sidling away,
melting into the background,hiding in shrouded corners.
I cannot apprehend what I am trying to tell myself.
So please let me know when you've stopped deviating.
Stability, if nothing else, would be good for the mind.
And insanity is somewhat unflattering.

Now with two second hand steven king books, a worn pearl jam cd and yet another trash coloured item of clothing

Should I stop caring? What is life if you dont care anymore? Does nothing really matter? Does everything matter? If I say anything I'm being a hypocrite. I care too much and I don't care at all. I'm dramatic about everything and I act like nothing matters. My life is one imbalanced mess. Too much of this, too little of that. The only consistency is misunderstanding but even that is a lie. Sometimes I feel like everything makes sense, like I have a hold on it all, other times I'm disoriented, muddled, baffled by all of it, all of everything, all of all I think and all I do and all I believe. Do I even know what I believe? Do I even need to know?

Maybe I just like over thinking because it means I"m thinking. I question things because I crave the obscurity. The more uncertainty, the better. I pretend things are important because I want something to matter, anything to matter. Because maybe if I dress it all up as one towering intoxicating sequence of events, I'll cast a shadow over the insipid truth. Poetry makes mundane things beautiful. And words weave murkiness over the monotonous. So I use them.

Like a Match struck in a Darkened Room

Let me tell you everything.
Let me tell you every single one of my emotions, everything I've ever done, everything I want to do, everything going on in my mind. Let me untangle every strand of my thoughts and lay them out for you, one by one, pave a walkway to my world.
You still wont know anything.
Does it make you sad that we are all alone within ourselves?

What are these second thoughts I am having?

Why does what was beautiful suddenly shatter in hindsight because it concealed dark truths? Because such a situation makes it impossible to be happy? But we were happy! Sometimes the memory of happiness cannot stay true because it ended unhappily. Because happiness is only real if it lasts forever? Because things always end painfully if they contained pain, conscious or unconscious all along? But what is unconscious, unrecognized pain?

A Plague On Both Your Houses

Guess who cant be screwed doing their English assignment?
This Guy.

Dwight Shrute and thats all.

I am not a bad person; when I left Staples I took some of their leads with me, but I never intended to use to them - what did I intend to do with them? Who knows; maybe keep them as a souvenir... maybe use them

IMMA KEEP GOIN MAN

Also.
Sorry to cloggity clog up your dash but I dont really give a fuck so LOL MY APOLOGY WAS A LIE,
why do i always end up having people talk about ridiculously stupid things?
Like in one conversation today, I've talked about (in this order,) the benefits of potato, living on a desert island, the japanese, and the benefits of being a seal.
THE BENEFITS OF BEING A SEAL.
...srsly though guys it would be pretty great to be a seal. i mean, not only can they stay underwater for 2 hours, but-
no. stop. nobody cares about seals caitlin. as much as you want them to.

I LOVE POTATO AND IM NOT AFRAID TO TELL Y'ALL.

I'm fucking burnt man.
I'm fucking BURNT.
It's been goddam raining for like a week, and the ONE DAY we get good weather I have to go and get burnt.
The top of my legs are burnt and I am at a total loss on what to do next.
Guess I'll just continue texting Logan about disney channel TV.
I'm that sad.
Or I'm that happy.
It really depends on how you judge things.
Not that judging is good.
Judging is bad, people, dont do it.
Unless you're an actual judge.
Then, by all means, go ahead.
Judge away. Judge on. Ride that law train, and get off on platform 'critical analyzation' and then go on 'judge and get fudge' road and drive down 'pwn criminals ass' lane and then arrive at 'house of....jail' and... whatever.
I'm burnt. Thats the point.

Nothing to do so I'll just post the shit out of my blog.

I am impassive.
Indifferent.
Unmoved.
Detached.
It is all very irrelevant nowadays.
It's all very predictable.
Why do people strive so emphatically to stick within a routine?
What is so good about the palpable?
Whats so good about waking up every day knowing your exact timetable planned out in front of you, knowing where you will be in 2 months and 1 year and 10 years and exactly what you'll be doing for the rest of your life?
Sometimes I feel as if life is not enough.
As if life will never be filled with enough life.
As if I have to seal every ounce of my being with more of everything, as if I constantly have to be occupied, constantly have to be hoarding with new ideas and new dreams and new experiences and more, more, more.
Its as if I have to be justifying my life every second of the day, like I'm writing an invisible list entitled 'things I have completed to prove how good my life has been.'
what is a good life?
a good life is a life where you dont give a fuck whether its a good life or not.
if we have to be thinking about whether we're having a good life or not, then obviously it isnt a good life at all.
Thinking is conventional anyway. you use it so often it gets threadbare, stale.
decrepit.
its all decrepit.

Theres nothing romantic about the hours I keep

seriously though.

I'm sorry I'm not doing a depressing blog like everyone else. I used to do that, but then I realised I was being a shit and nobody liked me.

So, mr electronics.
You wanna be all mean and not let me get any of tenzins texts, huh?
Well guess what. You haven't stopped us. Since we called eachother 4 times between the hours of 11 and 11.30 last night anyway.
YEAH. WE COMMUNICATED. SO PWNED IN THE FACE PHONE.
PWNED.
I say this just because those conversations were so intensely amazing.
"I didnt get the text. WHAT DID HE SAY? WHAT? OKAY CALL ME BACK WHEN HE REPLIED.
"He said what?!? he said WHAT?!?!?! OMG OMG OMG OKAY SAY THIS. WAIT, HE JUST TEXTED ME. ILL CALL YOU BACK."
"OKAY HERES OUR PLAN."

sly. we are so sly. lol jk we are the most obvious people in the world.
'HEY LOOK, THEY'RE SITTING TOGETHER ON THE COUCH! OKAY LETS JUST SIT OVER HERE AND SPEND A HALF HOUR LOOKING AT THEM AND LAUGHING AND THEN LOOKING AT THEM AGAIN WHILE THEY GET MORE AND MORE UNCOMFORTABLE.'

Anyway. This weekend, I have learnt 5 important things:

1) Tully should not be allowed to do french accents. Ever.
2) People dont really have a need for speaking. It's just as easy to sharpie 'hi' and other pointless phrases on your hands and use them at people 3 feet away. ...Except that it doesnt really come off.
3) Never go near nick or logan when they are making/drinking tea. It will only make you want to kill yourself.
4) Bec and Tenzins shoes make my shoes insecure. Seriously, purple doc martens and rainbow converses!?!? And I thought my volleys with spider shoelaces were cool.
5) Me and Jayden possibly give eachother the most enthusiastic hello's in the history of enthusiastic hellos. I had no idea people's voices could go so high.

In fact, I have already learnt so much this weekend, I think if I even slightly attempt doing any homework right now I might explode from too much knowlege. I'm just going to stay here on the couch under my blanket reading PS I love you and eating a tub of icing with a teaspoon.
I mean, cut me some slack. I'm scarred from going to brunswick this morning in nothing but a tshirt, shorts and a sleeveless vest when it's freezing cold and raining. Lol jk I got awesome shit and dangerfield.

I want to live and breathe. I want to be part of the human race.

Where do we go from here?
The words are coming out all weird
Where are you now when I need you?

oh radiohead. oh radiohead. oh radiohead. oh radiohead. love. maybe. more. than. the killers. probably. more. yes. more. moremore. a lot. maybe.

Fitter, happier, more productive,
comfortable,
not drinking too much,
regular exercise at the gym
(3 days a week),
getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries ,
at ease,
eating well
(no more microwave dinners and saturated fats),
a patient better driver,
a safer car
(baby smiling in back seat),
sleeping well
(no bad dreams),
no paranoia,
careful to all animals
(never washing spiders down the plughole),
keep in contact with old friends
(enjoy a drink now and then),
will frequently check credit at
(moral) bank (hole in the wall),
favors for favors,
fond but not in love,
charity standing orders,
on Sundays ring road supermarket
(no killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants),
car wash
(also on Sundays),
no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate,
nothing so childish - at a better pace,
slower and more calculated,
no chance of escape,
now self-employed,
concerned (but powerless),
an empowered and informed member of society
(pragmatism not idealism),
will not cry in public,
less chance of illness,
tires that grip in the wet
(shot of baby strapped in back seat),
a good memory,
still cries at a good film,
still kisses with saliva,
no longer empty and frantic
like a cat
tied to a stick,
that's driven into
frozen winter shit
(the ability to laugh at weakness),
calm,
fitter,
healthier and more productive
a pig
in a cage
on antibiotics.
Sample looping in background:
[This is the Panic Office, section nine-seventeen may have been hit. Activate the following procedure.]

Its just pole dancing its not stripping.

Fuck I'm tired right now.
Like, my eyes are burning.
In the tired way though, they're not actually... on fire.
Like today, when I got home, it was like, 5 or some shit, and I actually just got into my room and collapsed on my single bed / sofa / day bed thing and like, collapsed into pillows and lay there for a half hour or something muttering, 'i am so tired' into the pillows.
BUT I DIDNT EVEN SLEEP. I JUST LAY THERE GOING 'I AM SO TIREDDDD' or 'TIREDDDD' or maybe 'UGHHHHHH SLEEEEP.'
and then i had a bath.
and was like,
'UGHHH IM SO TIRED IN MY BATHHH I COULD SLEEP IN MY BATHHHH UGHHH COMPLAINING'
funny how much of my life i spend in the bath.
what can i say, i just love baths.
like FUCK man. they're beautiful.
i now have this thing where i only ever do my math homework in the bath.
it actually makes it fun.
kind of.

We didnt have any icecream, so this is mayonnaise and black olives.

I am beginning to doubt myself.
I am beginning to doubt myself.
Begnning. Doubting. Self. I am. I am.
I am nothing to most people.
Its fine to say that 'when people actually get to know you they'll start loving you' but right now there are about 3.5 billion people that dont know me and about 15 people that truly, genuinely do.
Maybe less, if I'm honest with myself.
And I never am.
I cant even tell whether my brain is feeding me lies anymore.
All I know is that right now I'm sick of being dramatic and over the top and pretending everything is a big deal when everything is just life and consequences of life and death and then more death.
Nothing really matters and we are all insignificant and society is filled with shits that will slowly destroy us and honestly, we hate many and love little.
I feel like I'm floating in a void of nothing.
I am meaningless to so many people, a blank slate they cant be bothered looking at, understanding.
Am I shy or just apathetic?
Does it even matter?

Awkward

1 he put her in a very awkward position: embarrassing, uncomfortable, unpleasant, delicate, tricky, problematic, troublesome, thorny; humiliating, compromising; informal sticky, dicey, hairy.
2 she felt awkward alone with him: uncomfortable, uneasy, tense, nervous, edgy, unquiet; self-conscious, embarrassed. ANTONYMS relaxed, at ease.
3 his awkward movements: clumsy, ungainly, uncoordinated, graceless, inelegant, gauche, gawky, wooden, stiff; unskillful, maladroit, inept, blundering; informal clodhopping, ham-fisted, ham-handed, heavy-handed; informal all thumbs.

adjective
1 causing difficulty; hard to do or deal with : one of the most awkward jobs is painting a ceiling | some awkward questions | the wheelbarrow can be awkward to maneuver.
• deliberately unreasonable or uncooperative : you're being damned awkward! | please excuse my daughter—she's at an awkward age.
2 causing or feeling embarrassment or inconvenience : he had put her in a very awkward situation.
3 not smooth or graceful; ungainly : Luther's awkward movements impeded his progress | she was long-legged and rather awkward.
• uncomfortable or abnormal : make sure the baby isn't sleeping in an awkward position.

ORIGIN late Middle English (in the sense [the wrong way around, upside down] ): from dialect awk [backward, perverse, clumsy] (from Old Norse afugr ‘turned the wrong way’ ) + -ward .

I do love you, honestly.

I am sorry that you can accept me but cannot join me.
I am sorry that you cannot be immature, for whatever reason.

I am sorry there are people in my life that want to be weird, that want to do stupid things and play guitar and sing and dance and make a fool of themselves, people that I can laugh with and be myself around, and for some reason, I cant be like that with you anymore. Maybe its because when I am, you don't do it too. It's like being alone.
I am sorry that I still find you awesome even when I think this.

Stifled. Choking. Everyone at Carey is the same these days.
Why do people have to go through everything they think or say to check for whether its cool or not?
Why is being cool important?
Ynow what I've learned? Being an outcast is more fun. Because then at least you can do whatever you want without wondering whether your friends will laugh at you or tell you you're 'weird.'
Like I honestly give a fuck.
Boring people can go be boring.
I'll never remember you all anyway.

I think you're crazy, maybe

Wow best day ever shopping with Tenzin and Tully yesterday.
Oh, and, of course, spending the morning at Tenzins house, which I'm gonna steal pretty soon, around the same time I steal her family.
Only the coolest of kids have buddhist meditation messages painted on their walls in bright colours.
And I think theres something about Babka that makes everyone go a little crazy.
I mean, what kind of sane people manage to argue for 15 minutes about whether or not the waitress moved in front of the vegimite bottle after tully had told us to look at the vegimite bottle, or before.

One things for sure.
Imma visit Timmy Jimmy Boy in my dreams tonight.

P.S - to tenzin:
Be prepared for me to spontaneously turn up at your house soon.
P.S.S - it'll probably be thursday
P.S.S.S - or i might just be saying that to totally confuse you, when actually i'll come tuesday and blow your mind.
P.S.S.S.S - but seriously it'll probably be thursday after school
P.S.S.S.S.S - but thats only if you and tully can come to the thing on thursday night with my family
P.S.S.S.S.S.S - actually it'll probably be thursday even if you cant. unless you're busy then. and awks if you dont read this.

Pretty much sums up my family.

Me: Did you know people could live off nothing but potatoes and water alone?
Mum: No way, that’s impossible.
Me: It’s not! People could live off nothing but potato. Just sacks and sacks of potato.
Mum: No. What about the protein? Where’s the protein in potato?
Me: I don’t know, but its there. I saw it on a science show, so it has to be true.
Dad: Oh, well I believe it. Potato is extremely healthy. Lots of healthy juices, in potatoes.
Mum: well what do you know
Grandma: Silence
Dad: You know, I eat a lot of raw potato, actually
Table: Silence
Me: You what?
Dad: Oh yeah, I do
Me: I have never seen you eat raw potato in my life. You’re lying. Stop lying.
Dad: I do! Whenever I’m chopping vegetables, I always sneak in a few slices of raw potato too. They’re yummy, and really good for you.
Mum: What? When have you done that? I haven’t seen you do that.
Dad: -satisfied nod.-
Me: Are you sure that’s healthy? Are you sure people are actually allowed to eat raw potato?
Dad: Of course they are! It’s great for you! Think of all those juices!
Mum: I eat a lot of raw carrot. It’s great with cheese
Me: Raw carrot is not the same as raw potato. It’s just not.
Grandma: Silence
Dad: People are obviously supposed to eat raw potato. I know a lot of people that do it
Mum: I have never met anyone else in my life that has eaten raw potato
Me: Neither have I. Nobody else eats raw potato, nobody
Dad: Just because Jesus didn’t do it why cant I do it?
Grandma: Silence
Me: I expect you think you’re starting a trend on this thing.
Dad: Oh, I am. I’ll be the first of many –smiles happily-
Mum: He eat’s sandwhiches for lunch alone on park benches too.

White Americans, what, nothin' better to do? Why don't you kick yourself out? You're an immigrant too.

I walked home in the hail.
The hail
Seriously spring, get your shit together.
I want to go swimming.
And you're stopping me with your rain and wind and... cold.
Do you know how hard it is to want to go swimming and then not be able to go swimming?
It's damn hard.
Damn. Hard.

I cannot stop laughing at how stupidly pointless my diary entries during camp were

"Dear diary,
WHY IS NOBODY POSITIVE!
CAMP!!!!!!!!
XOXO Caity <3 "

"Dear diary,
its almost 12 and Penny just threw up. She had to borrow someones jeans, because it went all over her pants, and she looks really pale. So far 11 people have been bus sick, JUST on our bus!! We watched 'Nacho Libre' and it was the worst movie I have ever seen. (It was about mexican wrestling.) Kim, who is sitting next to me, is very tired, and she just took off her jumper to lie on. Dog is very happy in my bag too. I'm not sure when we wil stop for lunch, but it will be soon.
Bye, Caitlin XOXO <3 :) "

"Dear Diary,
UGLY UGLY UGLYA ....DRESS
EWWWW OMG! LOL!
Ok well camp is awesome anyay G2G byeeee ...XOXOXOXOXO
Tiann luv ya guts <3"

I came here to drink milk and kick ass. And I just finished my milk

I'm not a window cleaner!!!!!!
I'm not a window cleaner!!!!!!!
I'm not a window cleaner!!!!!!!!!!

"Oh Alastair, I'm so glad I got onto you. I just wanted to tell you, I'm not a window cleaner!!! ....Oh yeah, I work in IT! ..Yeah, the computers and stuff. Macs? No, I mostly work with windows."

I cannot tell you how impossibly joyful I am that the IT crowd has come back to the ABC on wednesday nights.
It has... how do you say?
made. my. life.

You would never be enough, And I would always be too much. Our scales were imbalanced. So was our friendship.

I cannot be bothered writing some long, deep, emotional blog about my feelings right now that goes for 5 pages and bores the hell out of everyone so,
I am so ridiculously happy right now.
And thats all I can really think of to say.

It's Confusing but I don't really mind

Today was so lovely.
Life is so amazingly good lately.
And I'm a tad bit worried about it, because, being me, I figure at some point everything is going to have to go wrong so I get all depressed, but ynow what, who cares? i mean whatever. Life's life.
And the weather is so beautful and calm and its just so lovely and pleasant and wow, at the risk of sounding like a stoned hippy,
the world is so pretty.
And today was awesome too. I mean, after school mostly. It was so calming to just lie down on the grass outside some random train station for hours with Gracie, listening to music and talking and feeling unbelievably relaxed.
And then tenzin surprised me by turning up at my house with a jigsaw puzzle for 4 and up (because she was spring cleaning and thought i might like it,) and a 'how to play the harmonica book.'
I must say, I do feel pretty cool feeling on the level where you can randomly go to friends houses after school to talk for a half hour before you head off again.
Friends that live in richmond are so much damn cooler than ones that dont.
In other news, I am in love with spring. And I'm excited about this picnic.

CAITLIN CREATES HER FIRST WORLD RECORD

YOU SAW IT HERE FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi. I'm indonesian. Um. I'm bloggin. And I think thats a world record. And I LOVE THE MOON.
AND WE HAVE A SUB.
AND UM I HAVE LIKE, NO MONEY NOW AFTER I BOUGHT THINGS.
AND IF I WERE ONE OF THE SISTERHOOD OF THE TRAVELLING PANTS, ID BE TIBBY, TENZIN WOULD BE... CARMEN, TULLY WOULD BE LEENA, AND LOGAN WOULD BE BRIGITTE. AND WE ALL DECIDED THAT. EXCEPT THAT LOGAN DIDNT EXACTLY AGREE TO IT, BUT I MEAN WHATEVER RIGHT?!?
WHO NEEDS TO AGREE TO THINGS ANYWAY.
DID THE JEWS AGREE TO BEING MURDERED?
NO.
BUT IT STILL HAPPENED.
NOT THAT THE WHOLE BRIGITTE THING IS IN RELEVANCE TO HITLER. BUT STILL. ITS THE SAME.
IM WRITING IN CAPITALS AND I HOPE IM SCARING YOU.
PEOPLE ALWAYS SAY WHEN I WRITE IN CAPITALS I MAKE THEM WRITE IN CAPITALS AND IT MAKES THE CONVERSATION MORE INTENSE.
IND IS NARRATING THIS. FRANI TOLD ME TO SAY THAT. SHES WEARING A DRESS. SO WEIRD.
OH MY GOD FRANI HAS AN EAR. ITS CRAZY SHIT.
TENZIN HAD A DREAM THAT THERE WAS THIS GUY UNCLE JACK, WHO WAS MY UNCLE, AND HE WAS LIVING UNDERNEATH HER HOUSE WITH ME. AND THEN UNCLE JACK SWAPPED FACES WITH SOME RANDOM AND I THINK AT SOME POINT TENZIN WAS A LESBIAN. OR I WAS A LESBIAN. OR WE WERE BOTH LESBIANS. OR SOMETHING.
APPARENTLY TRINITY IS A GAY SCHOOL. THAT MEANS TENZIN SHOULD GO THERE!!!!! LOL JKS. SHE SHOULDNT. I THINK. I MEAN, SHES NOT A BOY. OR IS SHE?
NO.
SHES NOT.
SHES A GIRL.

it's frani here! i drew a picture on my indo work and then showed (showed? is that a word..oh well) caitlin the drawing, it was a drawing of her brain. and then i ruined her thought train. and then she yelled at me. RIK SPAN.

OH YES. TONIGHT IM GOING TO SOME GREENS ELECTION LAUNCH THING AND IM REALLY EXCITED BECAUSE I GET TO MEET BOB BROWN AGAIN. I WISH ME AND BOB BROWN WERE MARRIED. NOT THAT HES HOT OR WHATEVER, AND ALSO HES GAY, AND IN A RELATIONSHIP, AND OLD, BUT HES FULLY INSPIRING MAN.
I AM A REALLY REALLY BIG FAN OF GRASS. LIKE, I LOVE TO SIT ON GRASS AND ALSO LOOK AT GRASS, AND THEN WHEN IM BORED I CAN JUST RIP IT OUT OF THE GROUND AND KILL IT.
I LIKE THAT GROUP, FRIENDS ARE LIKE POTATOS, IF YOU EAT THEM, THEY DIE. IT IS SO FUNNY I COULD DIE. BUT IM NOT A POTATO. THAT DIDNT MAKE SENSE.
MERCUTIO IS THE BEST. I WISH HE DIDNT DIE. AND I LOVED IT WHEN HE WAS LIKE, 'A PLAGUE ON BOTH your houses.' mercutio was probably my favourite guy in romeo and juliet. because romeo and juliet were a little bit gay. except i admit, leonardo di caprio is fucking hot. like jesus christ. obviously god loved that guy. or evolution loved that guy. whatever you believe.
if i have kids, i will not blog about them. that is a promise. funny because i dont really want to have kids and i think that must make me a bad person or whatever. i also dont really wanna get married. does that make me not at all romantic? mostly i wanna like, i dont know, find some soulmate person, or whatever, and then live with them in some camper van and travel heaps. except we'd travel with a few other people too so we wouldnt be lonely. i dont mind the thought of being poor and jobless. except i think thats just what i think now because i dont have much perspective and im young and naive and dont really know anything about anything. still. im pretty sure i dont want to get married or have kids. sorry, world.
i mean, not that im against having kids. i might do it, but whatever. ceebs. thats a lot of effort.
i wonder what happens if you're like a lesbian, but you want kids. do you do that thingy with the thingy and the medical shit? probably.
i read in an article that everyone is part bi. that is weird.
ynow something else funny?
blondes are ugly.
im about to run out of battery so i have to go.
BYE. LOVE YOU MUM. AND DAD. I JUST WANNA THANK FRANI AND IND TO MAKE THIS POST POSSIBLE.

Oh my god this is what happens when you're so bored you check your webmail at 10.30 not at school.

She said to me, "Go steady on me.
Won't you tell me what the Wise Men said?
When they came down from Heaven,
Smoked nine 'til seven,
All the shit that they could find,
But they couldn't escape from you,
Couldn't be free of you,
And now they know there's no way out,
And they're really sorry now for what they've done,
They were three Wise Men just trying to have some fun."

Look who's alone now,
It's not me. It's not me.
Those three Wise Men,
They've got a semi by the sea.
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?

Really sorry now,
They weren't to know.
They got caught up in your talent show,
With you pernickety little bastards in your fancy dress,
Who just judge each other and try to impress,
But they couldn't escape from you,
Couldn't be free of you,
And now they know there's no way out,
And they're really sorry now for what they've done,
They were three Wise Men just trying to have some fun.

Look who's alone now,
It's not me. It's not me.
Those three Wise Men,
They've got a semi by the sea.
Got to ask yourself the question,
Where are you now?

LOOK WHOSE ALONE NOW GUYS, ITS NOT ME! ITS NOT ME! ITS THE THREE WISE MEN, ITS NOT ME! IM NOT ALONE! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING! I WILL NEVER BE ALONE. NEVER. OHMAGAWD GONNA GO BURN ANOTHER HOUSE NOW.

The Police Disco Lights, Now the Neighbours can Dance!

Purify the colours,
Purify my mind,
And spread the ashes of the colours,
Over this heart of mine

I cant be bothered thinking actual thoughts so heres something random I wrote a month ago that I cant really remember

I think I have gotten to age twelve and then just stopped doing anything.
It really seems the case. I mean, up until age 12 it was all going super great and in order of how it should be on the imaginary timeline of ‘how humans should live their lives.’ I had the friendship group, the sleepovers, the outings to Victoria Gardens, the fluorescent tracksuit pants and jay jays t-shirts. I had the year 5 boyfriend that lasted a week, and heck, I even went over to random kids houses to practice beading. But then I just sort of stopped, or something. I mean, I’d done the beading, I’d worn the fluorescent pink, and then I was sort of at loss as how we move on from there. When, exactly, do we jump from year 12 person that isn’t ashamed to go on shopping trips with their mum to some crazed teenager that gets drunk every night and, I don’t know, sneaks out of the house to meet people in parking lots where you.. What do people do in those parking lots? Sit and have a chat? Discuss knitting? I’m not sure. Probably get drunk and then all get each other pregnant while simultaneously stealing a television and…graffiting walls? Anyway. The point is. I wasn’t the one sitting in parking lots and discussing knitting. I was like… like a piece of kelp in a fishtank watching the fish. I mean, I was a fine piece of kelp, there was nothing at all wrong with my.. seaweedy green-ness, but I was no fish. And I didn’t really know how to be a fish. All the fish were swimming around me, and I was just staying still, chatting with other pieces of kelp and wondering what I had done to God to end up reincarnated as an immovable sea plant. Oh wait, it’s the Hindus that do reincarnation. My bad. And that was a terrible metaphor.

I'm bringing sexy back

Spent the most amazing day with Tenzin in Brunswick, looking through dozens of op shops filled with old records and doc martens, book stores crammed with books and old, funky cds, and little boutiques with amusing shirts and hippy floral dresses.
We had the most delightful lunch in a bakery/cafe where I ordered eggs and we proceeded to sound like we were having an argument when really we were just quoting various you tube videos.
Then got gelati where my cookies and cream icecream ACTUALLY had real cookies in it and found this cute alleyway filled with flowers and bushes and bright, exciting graffiti where we proceeded to sit and, ynow, talk about life.
Brunswick really is lovely.
And now tenzins going to sleep, so buh bye.

Everybody's Gonna be Happy, and that means You and Me.

Writing blogs was a fuckload easier when depressing things came easily to me.
So was writing anything, actually.
I'm beginning to think Van Gough was onto something.
Oh wait. He painted. Whatever same thing. Creativity is universal and all that.

Anyway.
The commonwealth games are shit this year, ey?
I mean seriously, how hard can it be to get more than 4 people at each event? You're not advertising mongolian death rituals, for fucks sake.
India really stitched themselves up on that one.
And the broadcasting is awful.
Last night me and dad were watching the swimming, and the girl broadcasting didn't know which way was up. She sounded like she was just having a chat in the stands and had no idea anyone other than her bemused, but affable friend was listening to her.
She kept making these totally obvious, mundane calls like, 'oh that girls got her cap down very low,' or, 'Ah and here they come. And look at the New Zealand girl, listening to her ipod! But no, it's good to see that the New Zealanders are getting out there.'
Oh golly. I honestly didnt notice how low that girls cap is. It is rather low, isnt it? I expect it's just one of those quirky little things.
And oh look, they've just jumped into the water! I expect soon they might just start swimming too!
Even I could do a better job than that jerk.

Fighting for Peace is like Screwing for Virginity - Quote made possible by Lissy's depressing book

this photo actually made me laugh for like 5 minutes. no joke.

i am very much looking forward to superhero bowling this friday.
but seriously man, how can you have NO floral or even colourful shirts in your house and yet 'maybe possibly' have a few batman ones and a truckload of dark coloured things.
where do you buy your clothes, 'men in black are us?'
boyz are silleh lyk wut iz goin on in der hedz?

MY DROP BEETS NOT BOMBS TSHIRT ARRIVED!

And I fully thought it wouldnt arrive, since the Fed Ex guys fucked it up 3 times in a row BUT IT FUCKING DID!
and its so cool i fully put it on instantly and have been wearing it EVER SINCE.
even though its a lil big. what whatever. i'm hormonal. so i grow and stuff i think. at least thats what it says in 'girl stuff.'
Girl stuff was great. it told me all about periods and lesbianism.
IN THAT ORDER.
i think. from memory. but i cant really remember because i stopped reading it when it didnt seem dirty to read it anymore.
annnyway.

*whispers under breath while the whole room is silent doing the test* 'i'm gonna smash this science test.'
after test: 'i just smashed that test.'

What can i say, someone should just write down what i say and publish in a book.
im so funny it hurts.
im also too sexy for my shirt.
something something i'm the next isaac newton, and also my hair is shiny.

oh wait. my bad. forgot (Sarcasm.) Sorry tenzin. that was really jerkish of me.

LIFE IS GOOD RIGHT NOW AND YEAH BYE FOLLOWERS. LUV YA FACE. UNLESS I DONT. BUT I DO. YOU'RE ALL LITTLE MONSTERS!
..lol jks im not some shallow singer that pretends she's original to seem different when really she's just copying Madonna and writing fucking shit lyrics about disco sticks when she's not even getting any.

Yesterday was actually THE FUCKING BEST DAY OF MY FUCKING LIFE

Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Yesterday was - I cant even.
Wow.

Breakfast with adam and erin and quinn at the collingwood childrens farm - 'hey look, theres a chicken next to our table - thats about as freerange as you can get!'
Watching Adam have a pleasant conversation with a bearded man on the way back to his house - then him turning to me and going, 'oh yeah, thats the homeless guy that lives on our street. hes actually a really top bloke.'
Listening to The Beatles records at Adam and Erins house as Adam changed Quinns nappie and we marveled at how someones shit can get all the way up to their shoulder.
Marching to the MCG with thousands of collingwood fans and laughing with Adam about how shithouse Lionel Richie would be
Being absolutely shocked when Lionel Richie got the whole crowd going and fucking owned INXS's last week performance in da face.
Watching the best fucking game of my life ever.
Heath Shaws amazing amazing tap away of stupid nick riewoldts certain goal that completely fucked up st kildas self esteem and got all of collingwood on their feet going off.
Didaks crazy goal from backwards sideways I dont even know.
Harry O Briens celebrating when he kicked that massive torp.
Darren Jollys legendary 5 minutes, 'jolly has just proved how jolly he really is!'
Watching Adam have ridiculously funny conversations with everyone around him in the 4th quarter as he quietly searched for randoms he would hug at the end of the game.
Watching Adam get a rejected high five with the guy he had decided to randomly hug at the end of the game - as Adam leaned in for the kill and was left with his hand hanging as the guy turned his back on him.
The end of the game. When the siren blew, and I was enveloped in random hugs and high fives and screaming screaming screaming.
Singing the collingwood song and chanting the collingwood chant while standing on my chair with my arm around adam.
Going straight to Tullys house after the game - laughing and smiling like an idiot at everyone I passed and not even caring - so little, in fact, that I ended up doing a random skip jig thing every 10 metres or so.
Laughing like an idiot with Tully and Tenzin as we spent a half hour looking for Bec's House - the invisible number 13 that didnt exist- until we realised her house was number 31.
Having a ridiculously funny time at bushdancing feeling like the biggest idiot in the world and not even caring.
Awkwardly but not unpleasantly dancing with the same guy 5 times in a row because we were both to uncoordinated to be able to change partners like everyone else was doing.
Laughing with Bec as I read all the texts the guy she likes had sent her - and then realising he had a goatee and being slightly creeped out.
Having the funniest time of my life when me and Tully tried to do the tango. Laughing so hard we couldnt breathe and going so badly and so out of time we rushed out of the middle of the dance floor and collapsed on the floor and completely freaked everyone out.
Completely freaking out Aaron.
Drinking milk and cookies with Tenzin and Tully in Tullys room and feeling about 5 years old - in the best way ever.
Laughing harder and harder as Adam continued to text me about how all of swan street was singing 'dancing on the ceiling' by Lionel Richie.
Waking up in the morning and hearing Tenzin say, 'oh hey I just had a dream about you. In the dream I was a boy, and you were a girl,' and realising you are never alone in not being normal.

So just a word to everyone out there - This is what you get for hating collingwood and creating delightfully not funny groups about our lack of teeth. In the end, we're just better than the rest of you. And our supporters might be bogans, but I wouldn't want to share a premiership with anyone else. Bogans have more fun. And Alan Didak is fucking hot. So there. You lost. HA.